Preparing for Camp: It's More Than Just About Packing

By Nancy A. Cavanaugh

    Two years ago my daughter brought home a flyer for Camp Takodah, a nearby sleep-away camp, and said she wanted to go. I’d gone to summer camp several times when I was a kid and really enjoyed it and I thought she should have that opportunity too, so I said yes.
    At the time I thought getting ready for camp meant going over the supplies list, buying the things we were missing and making sure everything was packed the night before it was time to go to camp. I was wrong. Way wrong.
    My daughter, after having spent five weeks away from home visiting her family and friends in New Jersey at the start of the summer, didn’t have any qualms about going to camp for two weeks. And I didn’t either … until it was time to actually leave her at camp. Nowhere in the handbook provided by the camp was anything about how to prepare yourself emotionally for sending your child off to camp.
    On drop-off day I found myself rooted to the spot and unwilling to give her that last hug and say good-bye. For the first time in her nearly 11 years of living I was hesitant about leaving her. The rational side of me knew hundreds of kids had safely attended the camp and she would have a great time just like I’d had when I was her age, but the other side was saying, “How can you leave her with all these strangers?”
    I knew I had to go, most of the other parents had filed out and the counselors were getting antsy about starting the process of getting to know the campers and introducing them to the camp and camper life, so I gave her that last hug and said good-bye. I bit back the tears until after I had passed by her cabin and waved one last time, though she didn’t see it because she was already wrapped up in the game they were playing.
    All the things I was feeling were normal and natural. I now know it’s called ‘empty nest syndrome’. Usually you think of that when your child goes off to college or moves into their own place but it also happens when they go to camp or spend a significant amount of time away from you.
    “Parents need to be honest with themselves about the fact that seeing their child off to this new adventure called camp is part of a long and understandably sad and joyous process called ‘letting them go’,” says Bob Ditter, a senior level clinical social worker who maintains a clinical psychotherapy practice in Boston, MA and consults nationally with agencies that work with young. He is also the author of three books for camp professionals, has produced five training videos for camp professionals, and his column “In the Trenches” appears in Camping Magazine.
    “Our children are never truly ‘ours’. They are in our care for several years and the true testament of our caring and nurturing is that they become strong enough under our guidance to develop a clear enough sense of themselves as their own person that they leave and go start a family of their own! Going to camp is just an early step in that life long process called growing up,” he continues.
    “Parents need to think of camp as ‘life experience with training wheels’. Camp professionals have been helping kids separate and become more independent for years. This is their true business. They tell you they teach swimming or arts and crafts or canoeing, but what they really teach is self-reliance and resilience–in other words, coping skills for kids,” says Ditter.
    Here are 10 tips to help make it easier to leave your child at camp:
    • If your child hasn’t spent time away from home before, arrange for a practice time away from home, such as a two- or three-day stay with relatives or close friends. This will help you and your child prepare for time away in an environment that you’re both comfortable with.
    • Make sure you have a supply of stationary ready and/or the camper e-mail address taped to your monitor. Find out what the camp rules about communicating with your camper are.
    • Learn about the camp, procedures and rules before you drop your camper off. Find out what their rules on visitations are.
    • If possible, try to meet camp counselors and other camp staff ahead of time. A familiar face can make all the difference when you’re dropping your child off.
    • Acknowledge and accept that it is okay to miss your child while they’re away. “Parents need to be absolutely clear with themselves about the reasons they signed their child up for camp in the first place. Whether it was to make new friends, learn new skills, learn to fend for themselves in a safe environment. They need to make those reasons front and center in their thinking and not lose track of them when they start feeling sad about seeing their child off to camp,” according to Ditter.
    • Before the separation, don’t communicate your worries to your child. Focus on the positive new experiences your child will have rather than how much you’re going to miss them. “Children will sometimes “test” us to see if it is truly okay for them to leave. It is like they want to hear you say, ‘Of course I am sad and miss you. I love you!’ and ... ‘You are ready and you can do this! Go out into the world and knock ‘em dead!’ Children, in other words, need our permission to leave and be strong without us,” says Ditter.
    • Make sure your child is really ready for camp. If you’re not sure, ask their doctor – but not while the child can hear the conversation. Talk to your child about it and ask them if they feel they’re ready.
    • Reassure yourself as a parent that you’ve done your job right. “All the advice, coaching, caring and goodwill is in there. Trust the job you have done. They have it. Let them try out their wings even if it means they take a nose dive once in a while! You can’t make an omelette without breaking a few eggs,” says Ditter.
    • Make a list of things to do while your child is away. Keeping yourself busy will help you not think too much about your child being away. This is also a great time to do stuff around the house, like repairs and re-decorating.
    • Have allies. Ditter says, “Letting kids go (off to camp, off to college, off to another city to live) is an emotionally charged event. Have people–friends, colleagues, spouses, professionals–who can support you emotionally as you adjust to the “child sickness” you may understandably feel. The best thing you can do to develop your child’s independence is to have a life of your own–full, rich, robust. When children see their parents thriving separately from them, it is easier for them to set off on their own.”