Keeping Teens Safe Through Prom and Graduation

By Michelle Boronow

    Prom season is here! Graduation season is coming! For families in the Monadnock Region, this part of the year is full of anticipation, excitement and anxiety. What dress should your daughter wear? Where should your son rent a tuxedo? Will you host a graduation party at home or attend one elsewhere? Will younger children be able to understand the excitement and enthusiasm expressed by an older child? There are so many decisions and plans that at times very important issues may slip by under the radar. As this season comes upon us, there is one concern that ought to be pulled to the forefront of your family’s decision-making conversations.
    There are families in our area – in every area – that may decide to host a post-prom or post-graduation party at home. Some folks may think it is ok for their kids to drink at home with parental supervision. Some parents may think of hosting a post-event party at their home with alcohol with the thought of taking all keys to ensure that no one drives home afterward.
    In the New Hampshire Union Leader, NH Liquor Commission Chief of Enforcement Eddie Edwards challenged this concept. “It’s not a young person’s issue, it’s an adult issue. Underage drinking is an adult issue because adults are providing the alcohol.” Underage youth cannot obtain alcohol without the help of an adult, whether it is a convenience store clerk who sells to minors or a parent who has alcohol in an unlocked cabinet, or an of-age person who will buy for their underage friends.
    There’s public perception and public policy, and then there’s perceptions and policies in private homes. Some in New Hampshire believe “what I do in my home is my business, so if I…decide to provide alcohol to my child in my home, what right does the state or anyone else have to tell me I can’t do this?” Kids who are taught it is okay to drink at home usually end up drinking elsewhere as well, he said.
    In 2004, the New Hampshire Legislature passed the NH Party Host Liability Law to hold “hosts” of parties responsible for the actions of underage participants. A “host” can be defined as a person who is at least 17 years old, owns, rents, or has control of the site, knows about the party, and knows that persons under the age of 21 have a plan to drink alcohol or use drugs (for specific information, visit www.new-futures.org).
    This law is extremely important for adults to recognize and to follow. During prom and graduation season, underage alcohol consumption is a prominent issue and presents other risks to the underage population. The brain of an underage drinker is not mature yet – the “Go” button in the impulse center of the brain has developed, but the “Stop” button does not fully develop until the early twenties. This means that the impulses of a young person are not necessarily monitored by practical sense and forethought.
    Here is a parenting tip that is useful no matter the season: Watch how you use alcohol personally. Your kids are always watching your behavior with respect to alcohol, and may pattern their behavior on your own. Do you have a beer when you are upset? Do you grab a glass of wine when you are celebrating something? Are you quick to buy alcohol for a party or adult event? Alone, these incidents may not have negative affects; however, if your child sees you drink when you are especially sad or excited, he or she may associate those emotions with alcohol. If you “need” to have alcohol at a party or an “adult” event, your child may start thinking that alcohol is a must-have for a party to be fun or an event to be “mature”, and may pattern their future behavior on these notions.
    As a parent with children that will be involved in prom activities or graduation, remember that your words carry a surprising amount of weight in your son or daughter’s decision-making. Make your beliefs about parties clear, and be sure to include your policies or standards on drinking and drug use. You may feel uncomfortable starting a conversation about drinking, drugs, or sex, but during this season with so many unsupervised parties and late nights, it is so important that you make the effort to speak to your son or daughter. Regardless of their initial response, your advice has a real impact on your child’s behavior.
    Below are some suggestions for parents during prom season, but similar ideas would be applicable to any season of the year.
    • Work with your school and your community to provide a safe, substance free event for youth, and if there is not option you are comfortable with, make an event that is, or make your home the place to be for an after-party!
    • The hub of most of these tips is communication – communicating your child’s plan for the night; communicating with the school about the event; communicate with other parents about the party your child plans on attending; communicate with the limo company, school officials, chaperones – communication is the crux of providing a healthy environment for your child.
    • And the earlier you can begin talking with your child about alcohol and drugs, the better chance they have at forming good decision making skills about those substances. Talk to your fourth and fifth graders now – you will reap benefits down the road.

Resources:
    www.schoolcounselor.org
    www.centurycouncil.org
    www.theantidrug.com/resources

Michelle Boronow is the program coordinator at the City of Keene Youth Services MANY program.